#incorrect Dick Grayson

[thebat-musicman]

Dick: Does anyone have any suggestions?

Jason: Why dont we shoot the Joker?

Dick: How that will help us in an alien invasion?

Jason: It would be really funny

Dick:

Dick: Works for me, add it to the list!

[sodamnbored]

New parent Bruce at two in the morning: Why aren’t you in bed?

9-year-old Dick, sitting at the table eating ice cream: Because I’m in the kitchen.

Bruce tiredly, digging out some coffee: And why are you in the kitchen?

Dick: Because it’s where the ice cream is.

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim: Hey dick?

Dick: yeah?

Tim: Sooo... if someone were to hypothetically steal a sculpture called "The Hand". Would they call the heist, "The Hand Job"?

Dick *grinning and searching sculptures*: be a worse crime not to name it that

[arkangelo-7]

Bruce, high on pain meds: one time I wiped your memory and returned you to the orphanage because you had tried to convince me that Superman didn’t murder my parents.

Dick, also high on pain meds: we listen and we don’t judge

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

*batkids going out in gotham for the night*

Bruce: And what do you do if you get stopped by the cops?

All of the kids: let Tim or Jason deal with it as the two white passing ones.

Bruce: Good, now go have fun.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.

Bruce: *Facepalmin* All I asked was how your weekend was.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

duke: i have to tell you something

dick: what

duke: i killed somebody once...

dick: me too

duke, laughing: APRIL 1

dick: july 18

[ryemiffie]

More of me and my bro as bat bros incorrect quotes:

Dick, accidentally clicking the wrong thing on the bat computer: Oh wait, shit, I didn't want you.

Tim, standing ominously behind him: That's what Bruce said when I became Robin.

Dick:

Tim:

Dick: Tim, noo..

[ivysangel]

expanding on this post except it's where dick, roy, jason, and wally fall in the frat ranking and why (this is just for fun, don't take it too seriously)

DICK

is ranked number one every year until he graduates (duh) because he's a borderline nympho and can't go a single night without getting his dick wet

pledges aspire to be him but he's seriously contemplated attending a sex addicts anonymous meeting because he skipped half his classes last semester to fuck girls on greek row and his grades suffered

has a collection of underwear he steals from girls to keep as trophies and had to change the spot where he keeps them because one of his frat brothers found them and went around the house telling everyone that dick wore women's panties

fucked that guys ex to spite him and got away with it because he's super hot and also the frat president (defintely a legacy pledge too)

has told girls "i love you" and "you're the only one for me" to get in their pants and has either ghosted or messaged them "it's not you, it's me" immediately after leaving their dorm

there are multiple hate posts about him in the gotham university subreddit and all of the upvotes are from girls he’s fucked

ROY

ranked in the lower half of the top 10 but is on a mission to break top 5

gets a lot of play just from being hot but also keeps a list of girls dick rejects so he can be the first to console them and subsequently get in their pants, has "i can make you feel better"ed his way into many hook ups

has a thing for girls with dark hair who play hard to get and has unironically sent to the frat group chat "i need a goth bitch in my life"

scared away multiple girls by wanting to fuck them in the ass and always follows it up with "aw come on??? it was a joke!" even though it's not a joke

came too fast once as a freshman and got nicknamed speedy

is still bitter about it and sometimes sends to the gc "lasted 2 hours, who's speedy now?" and everyone's like "still you."

JASON

isn't ranked at all and not because he doesn't get any play, just because he doesn't kiss and tell

fully thinks the ranking is corny but also takes pride in knowing that if his bodycount was made public he wouldn't be at the absolute bottom

hasn't slept with that many girls but has had so many blowjobs that he's sometimes wondered if his dick will start pruning like wet fingers

felt dumb wondering that so he doubled up on his bio classes the next semester and then hooked up with his ta because she was hot and smart

is like the only guy in the frat that cares about safe sex and has had to let his brothers know on multiple occasions that their junk isn't supposed to be red or itchy, and has had the pleasure of accompanying more than a few of them on trips to the std clinic

never tells anyone that he's dick's adoptive brother, so every time they go home together over break and he decides to text a girl, she always responds with, "you're not gay?"

WALLY

would be ranked low because he's a loser and has zero game/cannot function normally around hot girls and will make a fool of himself 97% of the time but his oral skills cancel it out so he's somewhere in the middle

is one of the first places girls go after breaking up with their shitty bf's because he's sweet and will go down on them for hours without expecting anything in return

once had a conversation with jason where he reffered to his girls as clients and jason said he "made it sound like prostitution"

once had a conversation with jason where he said his jaw was getting tired and he was thinking about charging for his “service” and jason said, "that would be actual prostitution"

has cum too quick on multiple occasions but didn't get a nickname because nobody was surprised

once hooked up with another ginger, and roy had to sit him down to tell him that it was fundamentally wrong and that he was never allowed to do it again or else he'd be kicked out of the frat

[spatteringstars]

"Mmm I think you’re underestimating the strength of human connective tissues but pop off I guess" - Dick Grayson at some point probably

[bluejay-the-geek]

Sandwich

Bruce: Do you think... That I have the capacity to be a father? 12-year-old Jason: I mean, you bought me this sandwich Jason: That seems pretty paternal Jason: I think Bruce: That is true, I did bring you a sandwich

[thebat-musicman]

9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

[sodamnbored]

Jason, bumping into him on the street: Stalker says what.

Dick, snorting: Shut up. I’m on an errand for Bruce. You can come help me if you like.

Jason shrugging, falling into step: Sure. What’re we looking for?

Dick: Batmobile’s busted. He needs us to go find a tool.

Tim: *casually heading the other way, minding his own business*

Jason, yoinking a disgruntled Tim back by his collar: Well that was easy.

[cardinalcheerio]

Nightwing *to a thug who pulled his hair*: What a bag of dicks!

Red hood: you'd know.

Nightwing: cause my name is Dick.

Red hood: *blank stare and silence*

Nightwing *squeak*: Right?!?

[arkangelo-7]

Superman, fighting an alien and struggling: I’m losing! What should I do!

Batman: be better

Nightwing: Just girl boss a little closer to the sun!

Red Hood: burn them motherfuckers with yo laser eyes

Superman: …

Superman: I was hoping for some more material advice but thanks anyway?

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Jason, just getting up: why does it smell like fried chicken out here?

Tim: Dick made eggs, which is technically fried chicken.